Mr Ogugua Emenike speaks on The Need For Emotional Intelligence In The 21st Century
In his lecture with the topic \”The Need for Emotional Intelligence In The 21sr Century\” organized by IMSU Alumni Eminke said it is very important to make use of our EI in all spheres of life.
HERE IS THE LECTURE IN FULL:
Good evening Distinguished Ladies and Gentlemen
I trust we are all doing great.
Happy new month to all.
It is with great privilege, honor and humility I wish to take us through this training on Emotional Intelligence with the topic: THE NEED FOR EMOTIONAL intelligence IN THE 21ST CENTURY
OBJECTIVE OF THE TRAINING
Let\’s kindly note that the whole gamut of objective of this presentation is to bring to fore the importance and relevance of Emotional Intelligence in our every day life.
In our today\’ s world Emotional Intelligence ( EI) and Artificial Intelligence ( AI) are gradually making the need for Intelligent Quotient(IQ) minimal.
School sharpens our IQ, technology provides us with AI but EI is relegated to the back yard and little or no emphasis is made on the need to acquire/ develop competencies in EI
Intelligence is considered as one of the most desirable personality qualities in
I.Q. tests are presently employed for many purposes such as
selection, diagnosis and evaluation in all parts of society. It claims that, \”it is the
single most effective predictor of individual performance at school and on the job.
Some critics of I.Q. believe that intelligence is more of a result of an
individual\’s opportunities to learn skills and information in a particular situation.
They emphasize that successful learning in school depends on many personal
characteristics such as persistence, interest in school, and willingness to study.
Encouragement for academic achievement received from friends, family and teachers
is also important, together with other cultural factors.
Another criticism of I.Q. tests is that the tests declines when they are used to forecast outcome in later life, such as job performance, or salary.
Moreover, I.Q. tests become less effective on population,
situations or tasks change.
Some studies have showed that I.Q. positively predicts
leadership quality in low stress conditions.
Another issue is the validity of IQ tests.
Present researchers of human
intelligence, such as Robert Sternberg and Howard Gardner, argue that IQ
tests measure only a restricted aspect of human intellectual ability.
also highlighted the crucial importance of considering the cultural context for a fair
evaluation of individual performance. I.Q. tests based on western thoughts which
cannot be applied to other cultures, which may have different values.
This tends strong support to the notion of the existence of several kinds of intelligence, and recent theories argue for a further extension of the concept of intelligence to also include emotional intelligence
I would also like to mention that the Emotional Intelligence as a subject matter is very vast and all encompassing that it would take months to fully grasp the whole scope, I would do my very best to capture the basics and essential aspects that are deemed imperative in our context
However, Ladies & Gentlemen, for the purpose of this presentation, I would rather would want to adopt the definition by Golis Chris (2009)
“EI is achieving Self- and Social Mastery by being smart with core emotions.”
I humbly crave our indulgence for us to analyse the various definitional argument of the subject matter which would help lay solid foundation for this presentation
There are lots of arguments about the definition of EI.
As the field is growing
so rapidly that researchers are constantly amending their own definitions.
definitions are as below:
1.According to Salovey and Mayer (1990) emotional intelligence is:
“the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to
discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and
2. According to Reuven Bar-On (1996)
emotional intelligence is:
“An array of non-cognitive (emotional and social) capabilities,competencies and skills that influence one’s ability to succeed in coping with environmental demands and pressures.”
3.According to Six Seconds Team (1997)
emotional intelligence is:
“The capacities to create optimal results in your relationships with yourself
4.According to Maurice Elias (2001)
“Emotional intelligence is the set of abilities that we like to think of as being on the other side of the report card from the academic skills.”
5.According to Peter Salovey and John Mayer (2002)
emotional intelligence is:
“The ability to perceive emotions, to access and generate emotions so as to
assist thought, to understand emotions and emotional meanings, and to reflectively
regulate emotions in ways that promote emotional and intellectual growth.”
6.According to Hein (2005, 2008, 2009)
emotional intelligence is:
“The mental ability we are born with which gives our emotional sensitivity
and potential for emotional management skills that help us maximize our long term
health, happiness and survival.”(2005)
7.According to Byron Stock (2007)
“Emotional Intelligence (EI) is the ability to acquire and apply knowledge
from your emotions and the emotions of others.” You can use the information about
what you’re feeling to help you make effective decisions about what to say or do (or
not to say or do) next.
2 things are evident in this definition.
, which are : Mastery of self and social environment through smart application of our core emotions.
Every one in every work of life in our present world needs this mastery and the possession and application of same is what makes us emotionally intelligent
What is Emotional Intelligence?
Emotions are involved in everything people do: every action, decision and
Emotionally intelligent people recognize this and use their thinking to
manage their emotions rather than being managed by them.
In the course of last two
decades, Emotional Intelligence (EI) concept has become a very important indicator
of a person‘s knowledge, skills and abilities in workplace, school and personal life.
The overall result of researches suggest that EI plays a significant role in the job
performance, motivation, decision making, successful management and leadership.
Thus applying EI methodology in higher education can have lots of benefits for
It not only fulfills their desire but also makes them more efficient in their field.
Everyone experiences and relates their feelings and emotions in day to day
Emotions have valuable information about relationships, behavior and every aspect of the human life around us.
The most recent research shows that emotions are
constructive and do contribute to enhance performance and better decision making
both at job and in private life.
What do we stand to gain for if we are to be Emotionally Intellgent?
There are many advantages of Emotional Intelligence, however, I would sum them up as follows:
1.improves relationships with human beings;
2.improves communication with people;
3. makes better empathy skills;
4.acting with integrity;
5.helps you to get respect from others;
6. to improve career prospects;
7.managing change more confidently;
8.enjoy the work wholeheartedly;
9.feeling confident and positive in attitude;
10. to reduce stress levels;
11.to increase creativity;
12.to learn from mistakes.
In a nutshell, EI,helps us to be a completely balanced individual – mentally,emotionally, physically and ever other wise
It is safe to posit that every individual needs to be Emotionally Intellgent.
If we all agree on that, what are the likely abilities we should strive to acquire in order to develop EI
Kindly permit me to present to us the Emotional Intelligence Desirable abilities as summed up below:
1. Perceiving emotions — the ability to identify and interpret emotions in
faces, pictures and voices – including the ability to identify one‘s own emotions.
2. Using emotions — the ability to use emotions to facilitate various
cognitive activities, such as thinking and problem solving. The
emotionally intelligent person can be benefited in his or her changing
moods in any work.
3. Understanding emotions — the ability to comprehend emotion language and to appreciate complicated relationships among emotions. For example,
understanding emotions include the ability to be sensitive to slight
variations between emotions, and the ability to recognize and describe how emotions grow over time.
4. Managing emotions — the ability to regulate emotions in both ourselves and in others.
Therefore, the emotionally intelligent person can tie together
emotions, even negative ones, and manage them to achieve intended goals.
If and when we are able to acquire the afore mentioned abilities, we would be able to display certain EI driven competencies.
These competencies becomes life skill and that would help us appropriate EI in our daily lives.
We could summarize them as:
1. Self-Awareness Competency — the ability to read one‘s emotions and recognize their impact while using gut feelings to guide decisions.
2. Self-Management Competency — involves controlling one‘s emotions and impulses
and adapting to changing circumstances.
3. Social Awareness Competency— the ability to sense, understand, and react to others‘ emotions while comprehending social networks.
4. Relationship Management Competency — the ability to inspire, influence, and develop
others while managing conflict
Can Emotional Intelligence be applied on other factors like Leadership, decision making, negotiation etc?
Yes,of course,as all these ate emotionally driven.
How they can it be applied.
Applicability of EI on Other Factors
1.Motivation and Creativity
It is not a matter of surprise that moods and emotions affect our mind.
When we feel good about ourselves, we find the world around us a great motivator.
This motivation helps us to express our personality better, creative and optimistic. This stage can be achieved by social awareness and proper emotional responses in a given
situation. Thus, emotionally intelligent person can motivate his attitude for himself
and for others which produces better results at work and in personal life. Moreover
the sense of EI creates positive work environment and brings healthy job attitudes
Many researchers agree that the key to good decision making is the
combination of both thinking and feeling in one‘s decisions. Positive moods and
emotions help for better decision making. With positive emotions people can develop
problem-solving skills and take good decisions quickly.
Everybody knows that negotiation is an emotional process. By proper use of
emotions and understanding moods of oneself and others, one can manage their
conflict and stressful situations. A person can be successful in negotiations, if he has
an active listening techniques and skill of reading non-verbal cues.
Effective leaders use their emotions to convey their messages. ―When leaders
feel excited, enthusiastic and active, they may be more likely to energize their subordinates and convey a sense of efficacy, competence, optimism, and enjoyment
Therefore, successful leaders are emotionally intelligent
We can agree with me that we all are engaged in one monwy making activity or the other and as well want to enjoy the fruit of out labour, relax,go on vacation,spoil ourselves a little once in a while etc
Here are 5 Ways that emotional intelligence can help us to enjoy our money more.
1. Knowing Ourselves and What Makes us Happy.
Sadly many people are not in touch with their emotions and have no real idea of what they want and what makes them happy.
For them, spending money will be a hit and miss affair as they will be unable to establish any kind of a relationship between what they are spending money on and what increases their happiness.
Being in touch with our emotions and what makes us happy allows us to focus our time and resources on providing ourselves with more of the items that make us happy.
2.Less Inclined to Follow Other’s Expectations
How many people do you know followed their father or mother’s career path and found out it didn’t work for them? The same thing goes with spending money.
People who don’t know themselves well, can easily get caught in the trap of watching how family or others are influential in their lives in the way they spend their money and follow suite.
Self-aware people differentiate their needs and expectations from that of others and are better able to withstand the pressure of criticism from others.
While open to advice and learning from outside their immediate circle, they rely upon their own judgement and resources when it comes to their spending.
3.Able To Delay Gratification
Knowing what we want in life allows us to deny ourselves immediate rewards in lieu of working towards a goal that will give us greater satisfaction in the end.
When we see the results of struggling towards an end that we deeply desire and end up achieving it, we are able to appreciate the results that much more.
Knowing what we want and striving to achieve, gives our lives’ purpose, meaning and fulfilment.
4.Relishing the Journey.
People who are more self-aware are able to find ways to reward themselves on their journey, even if it is only in small ways.
For them, small pleasures that cost little but are very satisfying help along the way to achieving larger and better goals.
Knowing what pleases us allows us to treat ourselves along the way, in turn motivating to keep going towards larger goals. Whatever your income level, make the most of it by identifying what gives you the most satisfaction for the buck. If unable to afford what you want, you are able to substitute for something much less expensive which will still give some satisfaction. It is never all or nothing so be flexible in finding affordable ways to reward yourselves in satisfying ways.
People who are in a state of gratitude for what they have are more likely to find enjoyment when they’re able to afford to buy more. They are less likely to fall into a cycle of never ending purchases that bring diminished and shorter periods of satisfaction.
Being dissatisfied with what they already have, will have a tendency to try to keep up with the Joneses, ending up in an endless spiral of spending on things they may not really want or need. This allows them to spend the time and effort to savor and truly enjoy whatever it is they purchase.
Already feeling happy allows grateful people to take their time and look for just the right purchase. Unhappy people that are feeling dissatisfied will tend to rush into purchases with the hope and belief that their feelings will change when they find the latest and shiniest object.
Been Emotional Intelligent can help us in our love lives. Whether we are married,engaged or in a relationship.
Often times marriages crash for lack of EI by either party or both parties.
As a counsellor, I have had to talk to many couple who have crises in their marriage and majority of the issues causing friction are minute/ mundane issues that could have been tackled naturedly with EI.
This also applies to individuals who are still single and are in relationships.
Being Emotionally Intellgent can improve our love life, lead us to the alter,give us peaceful/ healthy hones and keep our homes/marriages.
Let\’s look at how this is possible.
HOW EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE CAN IMPROVE LOVE LIFE
It is generally the case that couples with thriving, strong relationships have well-developed emotional intelligence .
Emotional intelligence describes a person’s ability to be aware of, control, and express emotions in a healthy manner. In other words, it is the capacity to handle relationships appropriately and empathetically.
In a partnership, emotional intelligence translates into the ability to be in touch with your own emotions as well as those of your partner.
A person’s capacity for empathy and ability to talk about emotions in a healthy and loving way are both components of emotional intelligence.
In a partnership or marriage, emotional intelligence may be seen in many areas.
It is sustained over the course of a lifetime and is vital for making love last.
The following are eight key areas where emotionally intelligent couples practice loving well.
At the core of a good relationship is friendship. Emotionally intelligent couples stand the test of time because they are friends who support and care for each other. They share a bond of mutual affection. They know each other’s internal world and understand each other’s likes and dislikes. They are companions and confidants.
2. Deep respect
Emotionally intelligent couples respect each other and have feelings of deep admiration toward each other. They are able to honor their partner and their needs and wishes and hold them in high regard or esteem. Partners generally think very well of each other and can each appreciate the unique qualities, achievements, or abilities of the other. They demonstrate on a regular basis that they appreciate one another, both verbally and nonverbally.
Couples who are able to
communicate their thoughts, needs, and feelings in a healthy way are more likely to have a thriving relationship than couples who have difficulty with communication. Their conversations don’t regularly display signs of criticism or contempt, and they typically do not start off abruptly.
Dr. John Gottman found, while conducting research on couples, that conversations generally end poorly when they start out harshly. In fact, the first three minutes of a conversation often determine its outcome. Emotionally intelligent couples generally speak to one another in a respectful manner, conveying this respect through tone, intonation, and intent.
4. Conflict management
Couples who have thriving, lasting relationships generally know how to navigate conflict. They have learned how to effectively manage their disagreements and differences in life. It is not necessarily the case that they have less conflict than other couples. Rather, they have figured out how to listen and understand the perspective or position of the other. They have also likely learned how to exercise compromise in their relationship.
5. Encouraging the relationship
Emotionally intelligent couples encourage the relationship, through understanding of their identity as a couple in addition to their separate identities as individuals. They feel confident in their respective roles and in the partnership itself. They are for the relationship. They don’t threaten it by saying things like, “I want a divorce,” or “I am going to leave you.” Instead, they talk about problems that arise, as they arise. If the problems are too difficult to solve on their own, they seek help from a professional.
6. Exercising healthy boundaries
Couples who thrive exercise clear boundaries, especially when dealing with other relationships. They recognize the slippery slope of infidelity and don’t create space for emotional or physical affairs to happen. They utilize what the late Dr. Shirley Glass illustrates on in her research on infidelity. Whether they recognize it or not, they view the world outside through a glass window of openness and honesty. Together, they construct a wall that shields them from forces that have the power to separate them or otherwise challenged the relationship. In order to keep their relationship a priority, they exercise a united front.
7. Being aware of meaning, value, and purpose
Emotionally intelligent couples are aware of what is meaningful to each other. This might translate into understanding what motivates the other in life and what they are passionate about, such as their dreams, goals, or values . Couples who thrive support each other’s endeavors to have a meaningful and purposeful life —both individually and together.
8. Sharing life
Couples who thrive share their lives. They find ways of connecting on a regular basis. Whether they acknowledge it or not, they are mindful of staying connected and turning toward their partner. They have at least a few common interests or shared activities, and they take time to recreate together. In the words of Henry David Thoreau, “There is no remedy for love but to love more.”
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE AND OUR SPIRITUAL LIFE
Emotions provide a much better gateway to the spiritual dimension of our lives than beliefs. Awe and wonder are emotions particularly associated with spiritual experiences. Calm, joy, and contentment are among other emotions that typify mature spirituality.
Some people, consciously or otherwise, even seek opportunities to get angry, by seeking out faults in others for example, or by engaging regularly in arguments and other forms of winner/loser behaviour (usually biased in their favour).
attachment to anger thus covers up a wish to avoid shame as well as doubt. It protects against other emotions, like anxiety and sadness, too – but at a price. When a person’s emotional life defaults towards anger, this has destructive consequences for the person concerned. Both the range and spontaneity of their emotions are limited. The dynamic swirl of emotions.
The spiritual dimension looms largest in extreme situations, when someone is faced with great challenges or a major loss.
Unsurprisingly, the path to positive feelings often lies through more adverse emotions, such as foreboding, even terror. Stark bewilderment, rage, deep shame, self-blame, and intense sorrow may also be provoked.
This is part of the natural order of human life. The wise approach is to trust the process of emotional healing and growth toward maturity
Ultimately, submission to one’s fate and acceptance of loss brings the necessary ‘catharsis’.
This release of emotions is uncomfortable, such as when sadness is accompanied by tears. People often resist crying, and apologize for it; but it is an essential part of the healing process.
When the storm of grief does eventually pass, however long it takes, serenity is restored.
A new level of happiness, contentment, and equanimity arises, and with this – often unexpectedly, after a period of considerable struggle – feelings of humility, gratitude, and wonder.
Renewed clarity, as bewilderment and confusion subside, reveals a new level of spiritual understanding, of wisdom. Recognition that everyone else faces similar troubles in their lives increases compassion and loving-kindness towards others.
Why, then, is everyone not already emotionally and spiritually mature?
One reason concerns the very strong emotional likes (attachments) and dislikes (aversions) that naturally come into play.
Each of us has emotions we seek to avoid and those we prefer. The natural tendency is for people to prefer joy over sorrow and calm over
anxiety, for example, but it is not so simple. We get into patterns or habits of emotional experience and expression.
Feeling bad about feeling bad is one kind of problem. For example, some people are deeply averse to anger. It scares them. When a situation arises to provoke anger, anxiety rapidly takes over instead.
This short-circuits the natural process of energy flow through the full spectrum of emotions. Anger is necessary for resistance, so such people are at a disadvantage. Worse, their anxiety and inability to fight back against loss and injustice can give rise to a handicapping degree of shame. It also predisposes them to being exploited by those who seem to be stronger.
None of us can achieve spiritual growth without controlling the emotions. Though God has created humans with a mind to work in tandem with the emotional impulses (prompts to action), too many of us have.
God displays anger (as well as other emotions), but always in controlled measured response, unlike the out-of-control childish rage of humans. Using God\’s Spirit, the spirit of a sound mind, we can grow into emotional (not emotionless) spiritual maturity, exercising our senses through God\’s Law, searching the deep things of God, controlling feelings and passions with the mind of Christ
So, what is emotional maturity? I
Emotional maturity is development from the state of \”self-centeredness\” to the state of \”outgoing concern for others.\” Satan takes— God gives. Satan hates—God loves.
There we see the essence of the difference between maturity and immaturity.
Giving with outgoing concern is the way of God, and the principle of His law of love.
As human beings, we have to be taught to have emotional maturity. It is something that has to be learned from somebody who is already emotionally mature.
It cannot be learned from immature parents, or immature leaders, or immature preachers. (I am thinking of this world\’s mainstream Christianity.) For members of God\’s church, the impact of emotional maturity on our spiritual lives is of the utmost importance, because control of our emotions directly affects our spiritual maturity.
Now, all human beings are moved to action by their emotions.
So, no matter who we are or what age we are, emotions affect us dramatically. An
emotion is a strong feeling, a disturbance, a departure from the normal calm state of rational thinking and acting. It is an impulse toward an action that has not been reasoned and approved by the mind.
Among the emotions are such feelings (or, impulses) as fear, anger, disgust, grief, joy , surprise, and desire; and that is just to name a few. Of course, there are many emotions that human beings go through.
Closely associated to our emotions are moods .
A mood is, basically, a predominant emotion. An emotionally immature person is usually moody, and has never learned to control his moodiness. So whatever the dominant emotion is, that is the one that drives the individual at that time.
God endowed us, in His own image, with a mind. We must first learn and acquire knowledge. We are endowed also with the capacity to reason from that knowledge—to think, to plan, to arrive at conclusions, and to make decisions. God intends our minds to direct our actions. But we must learn to do this. And we can never achieve God\’s purpose in placing us on this earth unless we first learn to be emotionally mature.
The development of right character is the purpose of human life. And character is the ability to come to right knowledge and wisdom, and then to direct the mind and body into this right conduct
Lastly, we will be looking at how EI helps us at work/business.
With this, we would have touched all vital areas of our lives.
What Does Emotional Intelligence Have to Do With Success at Work ?
Emotional intelligence involves being sensitive to and perceptive of other people\’s emotions, and having the ability to intuitively facilitate improved performance based on this knowledge.
The modern workplace is characterized by open communication, teamwork, and a mutual respect among employees and their supervisors. Possessing emotional intelligence allows managers to better understand and motivate people they supervise
Individuals who come from the old school philosophy of management by intimidation often find it challenging to adapt their management style to the demands of today\’s workers.
In the modern business environment, authoritarian managers are much less likely to be successful for the long term than those who utilize a democratic style of management. If you want to succeed in the business world now and in the future, it\’s important that you understand the role of emotional intelligence in business today.
Management and Emotional Intelligence
Managers who possess emotional intelligence approach supervisory responsibilities from a different perspective than authoritarian managers. They understand the importance of communicating effectively with staff members, and of treating each employee with respect. Those who want to be effective 21st century managers are well served by developing a deeper understanding of the concept of emotional intelligence and applying it to their management strategies.
Leadership and Emotional Intelligence
Managers who have outstanding leadership qualities tend to possess emotional intelligence. It\’s important to realize that leadership isn\’t an inherent part of being in a position of authority. Leadership is something that employees bestow upon the most effective managers, and is reserved for individuals with high standards of integrity and outstanding communication skills.
An individual who is in tune with his or her own emotions is much more likely to be able to understand and empathize with the emotions that impact the attitudes and behaviors of others. This is why emotional importance is so valuable for managers.
It\’s essential for managers who want to be viewed as leaders to remember that actions speak louder than words.
This is something that individuals who possess a high degree of emotional intelligence seem to inherently understand.
Western and Eastern philosophy believed that success and happiness comes in life if we handle our emotions and other‘s emotions too.
The term Emotional
intelligence‘ was popularized as a result of Daniel Goleman‘s (1995) work.
traditional understanding of intelligence is important for success in life, emotional
intelligence is key to relating well to others and achieving goals, because the human
world is all about relationships.
We can say that by different measures as shown above one can observe oneself and feel comfortable to understand other‘s feelings,
social awareness and social disorder behavior even in adverse condition, better self-control, social decision making, etc. also can be brought positively and success ratio can be increased.
Thus we can say that to be successful one requires to have effective awareness; control and management of one‘s own emotions; and awareness and
understanding of other people
Thank you all for your audience amidst your busy schedules.
I am grateful
MORE ABOUT THE SPEAKER -OGUGUA EMENIKE
Ogugua Emenike is a 2006 Graduate of Sociology from Imo State University Owerri
He also holds an MSC from Covenant University and an MBA from University of Liverpool Management School, UK
He is the Lead Consultant of Donmexiano Human Capital Center, Lagos and the Head, Human Capital Management of Etazuma Group, Abuja. A HR Generalist, Motivational Speaker and a Career Coach with over 9 years experience.
He is happily married with 2 kids